Today I was held hostage by a terrorist group, I was forced to sit quietly in a small, dark area with 9 other Christians. We did not know how long we would be in this place but the gun shots, artillery, and terrorist soldiers right next to our hide out were frightening. Time seemed to stand still when flashlights lingered near the entrance of our hideout and soldiers banged up against the walls. I knew my children had been evacuated but did not know where Aaron was. I was chosen to evacuate upon the arrival of a rescue plane but quickly sent back into hiding when the mission was aborted. I then had to make the hardest decision of my life and help choose who from or group would be executed for the safety of the rest of the group. Tears flowed down my face as I heard the two men be ordered to the ground and a gun shot for each life. I pictured telling the wife of one of the men that his last request was to tell her "he loved her" and how sorry I was that his life was taken over mine. My thoughts quickly turned to my husband and knowing his leadership style if he was in a similar circumstance that he was dead because he would volunteer his life for the safety of others. Without having another moment to think the terrorist came into our hiding place and took two more victims. Within seconds there were two more gunshots and two more wives without husbands and four children without fathers. My body shook and the tears were flowing but I did not say a word.....was I next? Was I prepared to die?
Thankfully I did not have to make this decision, the simulation ended. Yes, the SIMULATION but it was the realest simulation I have ever been in. As I found Aaron in the group of people going through another simulation (similar to mine) I buried my head in his chest and cried. Upon gaining my senses I looked around to see most of the group was or had been crying.
What did I learn?
I was able to pray and praise God up until executions took place and then I was too frazzled.
My mind did not allow me to think of more than I could handle. I did not put any thought into my children other than knowing they were safe. Emotionally I could not handle thinking about what would happen to my children if I was not able to get them meals, if I could not tuck them, if I never saw them again.
There are women in this small community at MTI that can read me and care for me like they have known me for years not 1 1/2 weeks.
I love my husband and rely on him for strength.
I cried with you while reading this post. It brought back all the thoughts and feelings I went through when in "the box". I learned that my thoughts quickly run to my own comfort and was not able to think about what others were feeling. I just wanted out of the box to the point I wanted to die. Our box was so full of people that we could only stand shoulder to shoulder and there was no room to move or breath so when a couple of people were killed all I could feel was relieved for more space. How sad is that!!
ReplyDeletewhat an experience! an emotional thing just to read, I can't imagine actually being there.
ReplyDeleteWow, what an experience you and Aaron had. I can't begin to imagine what I would do in that situation. But I do feel just by reading, that you are a stronger woman of faith because of what you went through. With God you can handle anything that comes your way! Praise God!
ReplyDeleteHOLY COW chick! That is a crazy experience and I seriously teared up reading it. It is easy to say "Well if I was in that situation I would....." but in reality we never know what we would do. I'm proud of you! Congratulations for surviving your simulation and growing even more in Christ.
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